Havo 5 Writing Task 7

Making a letter formal

Your friend Nicky has ordered a halloween costume online. Unfortunately for her, the shipment was delayed for unknown reasons. Nicky has tried contacting the store but the helpdesk was uncooperative and unpolite. In response, Nicky has written a formal letter of complaint but she is not very good at writing. She has asked you to improve her letter. Rewrite the letter below so that it becomes a formal letter. First read the whole letter and then the instructions below.

Kerkstraat 45
6811BG Arnhem
The Netherlands

The Costume Shop
1444 S. Alameda Street
Los Angeles
California 90021
United States

23 October 2017

Yo helpdesk,

Two days ago I called you and I am very angry. My witch costume has still not arrived. I want it at my house within 5 days.

I ordered the witch costume over a week ago and it was supposed to arrive 2 days later. I need the costume for Halloween, which is in one week. If I don’t have my witch costume I won’t have anything to wear and I will look like a fool at the party.

So obviously I called the helpdesk and they did not help me at all. In fact, it was the worst conversation I have ever had. You people were horrible to me. The woman I talked to didn’t know what she was doing. First, she could not find my order at all, which was just plain stupid, and then she found the wrong one. Eventually, ages later, she found my order but she could not see what was wrong with the shipment. Then she said she had to call her manager, which she did. After waiting ages again, she said the manager was unavailable at the moment and that he would call me as soon as possible. It is now two days later and I have not heard anything at all! She did not even apologise to me.

I want to receive my witch costume as soon as possible, at least before Halloween. If you cannot deliver my costume I will never order at your shop again.

See you,

Nicky Hanks

You can see that Nicky’s letter is not very formal. What do you need to improve / rewrite? Also keep in mind that a formal letter should not be a story, just a short and concise summary of facts.